Log in

No account? Create an account
10 January 2009 @ 08:43 pm
Dog Problems - The Format

Don't you dare speak for someone you don't know.
They'll feel it in the back of their throat.
We know I can't construct a poem,
Cause words like girls get bored and run
C'est la vie, I say "I've got so many better things"
I've got nothing, you should see me,
I smoke myself to sleep.

And blame postmodern things I can't relate,
Like summer camp and coastal states.
Like alcohol and coffee beans.
Dance floors and magazines.
I think its safe to say I've only got myself to blame
But boys in swooping haircuts are bringing me down,
Taking pictures of themselves.

And so I walk the web in search of love,
But always seem to end up stuck.
I'm finding flaws in everyone.
I've reached the point where all I want,
Is to sleep around in hopes that I will catch back up.
We are parallel lines we’re running in circles,
We're never meant to cross.

I'm at a loss, you were my tangerine,
My pussycat, my trampoline.
Now alls I get are wincing cheeks,
And dog problems, I signed a lease.
Thinking my heart belonged at 93rd and park.
Instead I broke a girl’s heart,
And flew back to Phoenix to finish the year as it started.

Can you hear me?
Are you listening?
This is the sound of my heart breaking.
And I hope it's entertaining,
Cause for me it’s a bitch.
Was it worth it?
When you slept with him?
Did you get it all out of your system?

I am a man
Holding it all
I couldn’t breath
Coming across
I didn’t know
I couldn’t give up

B is for believing you'd always be here for me.
E is for everything, even when we see it though.
C, c is for seeing through you, you are a fake, which brings me to
A because, because, you always run away.

I never finish phrases, I misspell.
Open arms are prison cells.
When I said, "I hate what I've become"
I lied, I hated who I was.
So when you start to wonder 'bout the pain in my throat,
Then don't you ever, no never, ever, speak for someone you don't know.
Current Location: Room
Current Music: The Format
09 January 2009 @ 10:44 pm

Lyrics to It Hurts :
Is this what you want? Cause everybody acts without a clue.
Every little kiss and grin you gave, was just a little bullshit I saw through.
The alcohol is scented with your breath, you're always old enough to just be used,
I'm waiting for excuses that deceive, I'll meet you in the back to see them through.

How did I let her inside, we're drippin' of sweat, I'm feelin' alright, her lips were the last thing touched tonight,
Your best friend is not your girlfriend. It hurts

Are you out of your mind, you dug yourself into a liar's hole, You made a little spark to live inside, it's now a fuckin fire out of control. And when the morning comes you'll act surprised, And when the word gets out it will get old, And everyday you'll try and live your life, and every little scandal will unfold.

How did I let her inside? We're drippin' of sweat. I'm feelin' alright. Her lips were the last thing touched tonight
Your best friend is not your girlfriend. Sherrie do you want it, Sherrie I want it too

How did I let her inside? We're drippin' of sweat
I'm feelin' alright, her lips were the last thing touched tonight.

Your best friend is not your girlfriend. It hurts
Your best friend is not your girlfriend. It hurts
Your best friend is not your girlfriend
Current Location: Room
Current Music: Angels and Airwaves
Time Bomb by The Format

Oh no, was it worth it?

Starting now I’m starting over
I’m gonna sleep with the next person I meet
starting now I’m starting over
you swore "together forever"
now you're telling lies
well tell me your words
they got no, they got no concept of time

tick tock, you’re not a clock, you’re a time bomb baby, a time bomb, baby, oh
tick tock, you’re not a clock, you’re a time bomb baby, a time oh, oh, oh

oh no, was it worth it

was it worth what you did to big business?
was it worth what your friends put up their noses?

So, starting now I'm starting over (stop it)
Tell the new wave kids their make-up kits
Can find me where self pity gets a breath of fresh air

tick tock, you’re not a clock, you’re a time bomb baby, a time bomb, baby, oh
tick tock, you’re not a clock, you’re a time bomb baby, a time oh, oh, oh

you set the watch, you're just in time
oh, to wreck my life, to bring back what I left behind

tick tock, you’re not a clock, you’re a time bomb baby, a time bomb, baby, a time bomb, baby, a time bomb, baby, a time oh, oh, oh

four years and you fell for a waiter
I’m sure he says he’s an actor
you’re acting like....
(you never tried to take your life)
so, starting now I’m starting over
I’m throwing bottles and
I’m taking showers
I’m going to sleep
I’m going to sleep

so, starting now I’m starting over (stop it)
well, starting now I’m starting over (stop it)
to play the game, get even, act my age

tick tock, you’re not a clock, you’re a time bomb baby, a time bomb, baby, oh
tick tock, you’re not a clock, you’re a time bomb baby, a time oh, oh, oh

you set the watch, you’re just in time
to wreck my life, to bring back what i left behind

tick tock, you’re not a clock, you’re a time bomb baby, a time bomb, baby, oh
tick tock, you’re not a clock, you’re a time bomb baby, a time oh, oh, oh

Oh no, was it worth it
was it worth what you did to your wrists?
Current Location: Room
Current Music: The Format
03 January 2009 @ 10:47 pm

2008.  Where do I begin.  Things happened that should not have and some things didnt happen that should have.  I came back to school this year not knowing what to expext really and with no real direction.  I found a direction, and have always really known what to expect, just never acted on it. 
That was 2008, this is now 2009.  I think being a history major I should take my disaplin and use it, learn from the past to act on the future.  I have come to realize that I have been asleep for the past year and a half, not focused on the future and my goals.  I havnt taken things seriously.  It has been a little late coming, but it hit me that I am screwing up my life by letting things distract me and putting things off till later.  I suppose it is better to realize this later than never.  I know what distracts me and causes me to procrastinate, and I know what needs to be done to be rid of these things. 
My new years resolution is to spend more time on things that matter and less on things that are superficial.  I have learned alot from the past year, and will use it.  I have become more and more motivated during this break by more things I have learned and experiences.  I pledge to change and not be the same person that has been in existince for the past year and a half.  It is time for change, if I dont do this now it will be to late. 
Current Location: Room
Current Mood: determined
Current Music: Locksley- Dont Make Me Wait
23 December 2008 @ 12:45 am
Today has kind of just sucked.  I met up with a friend and things just didnt go right at all, and so I was down all day.  I overreacted to not being able to talk longer with this friend and got them creaped out.  I watched Its a Wonderful Life tonight and can connect with it even better now... and am wondering what the world would be like without me again.  It seems like I am losing some of the people I hold clossest to me, that they dont view me as a good friend anymore.   I just dont know what to do anymore.  I am so confused and lost with everything.  I just want to yell out and destroy something because I dont understand.  I know I am just complaining alot and there is no cohesion to this whatsoever, but I dont care.  I may come back and write another entry that is more organized. 
Current Location: bedroom
02 August 2008 @ 04:51 pm


Well, this week has been pretty good so far.  We saw three large sailing ships come into the harbor the harbor on Thursday, which was really cool.  All three of the ships fired off cannon they had on board.  We also toured a great lakes freighter and a coast guard ice breaker.  On Wednesday we drove up alone the north shore and stopped at waterfalls along the way, some of the falls were amazing!  What was neat about one of them was that people were allowed to walk all around it and swim if they wished, it was really neat.  There were lots of interesting geological formations around that were created by the water and freezing and thawing.  There was one tree that looked like it just came straight out of the rock!  No roots or anything to show how it was anchored to the rock.  Today, Friday, we went to the Split Rock Light House and Glensheen Mansion.  The Mansion was elaborately decorated and was absolutely gorgeous.  They said it would cost about $30 million in today's dollars.  It was built around 1905.  The woodwork in the place was amazing!  Done by Scandinavians of course.  :) The grounds were equally as beautiful, with a fountain in the back terraced garden overlooking Lake Superior.  The light house we visited was quite interesting as well.  They showed us what the fog horn sounded like, only 1/10th of the volume.  It was still extrememly loud, some people still had to cover their ears.  The lighthouse also has one of the only original working rotating mechanisms for the light in the country.  It uses a series of weights like a clock and had to be "wound" every 2 hours.  The guy who told us about the lighthouse itself was quite hyper and quick witted. 

However, there is a down side to this vacation as well.  Because of all the long rides up and down the North Shore I have lots of time to think, which is bad nowadays.  I cant stop thinking about Andrea and how I can see us going there on a vacation or something.  There have been quite a number of newlyweds, which get me thinking about what could have been.  Thinking about what could have been gets me thinking about what she is doing now and I just cant stand it.  It makes me so torn up inside and depressed.  I wish things could have been different, but they aren’t.  I do wish she would understand and not be mad at me.  I do want to be friends after all this is over, but I don’t know what she wants.  Whatever happens may it be the will of God. 

We will be going home in another day and then I go back to work at the Lafebers.  I actually cant wait to get back, to much free time isn't a good thing for me.  I will leave a little quote I made up that is similar to one I told Andrea a little while ago. 


The backward thinking man asks, what if.  The forward thinking man asks,  what now.   - David Cooper


-original quote- A good historian asks, what if.  A great historian asks, what now.   - David Cooper

Current Location: south of Duluth
Current Mood: relaxedrelaxed
08 April 2008 @ 11:06 pm
Well, it has been awhile since I last updated.  A lot has happened since then.  Ill go with some of the biggest, most recient things.  Band tour, break up, confusion.  
Well, band tour was a mix of amazing times and kind of sucky times.  I thought band tour drama would be over in college, not so.  I tried to stay clear of it all, I even sat with my mute and a tuba mute near the front, but I was still sucked in at times.  Not to mention I caught a 24 hour flu on the day we played in Des Moines, alone with the English Horn player and a French horn player.  The English Horn player and myself couldnt play, which I really wish we could have, and she had some big solos.  Colorado was amazing!  The mountains were so beautiful.  But playing at 9,000 feet compared to 600 is a big difference.  And playing basketball at the homestay wasnt the best idea, lungs hurt so bad afterwards, but fun time.  I could go on and on about tour, maybe I will write a whole entry devoted to it, who knows.  
Then after first week of the Term Andrea broke up with me.  It was a complete shock and really threw me for a loop.  So many things going on at once.  Ive had times where I really want to get back together, and then some Im not so sure.  Im not so sure right now, I just really need to get my mind focused on school so I can keep my scholorship here.  That is all Im going to say about that, if anyone wants to know more they know how to contact me.  
I have made an appointment to see a counselor this thursday and I really am hopeful that something good will come of it.  Especially since I got my best friend and another friend mad at me.  They were the ones who I had been going to for help for the past few weeks, now I really dont have anyone to go to.  So Thursday is something I am really needing and looking forward to.  Im also excited for Wednesday night chapel, its a really nice time to reflect and relax and refocus.  
I have had great times of happiness and really depressing times that if it wernt for my friends I wouldnt be here.  I am thankful for thier support.  
Classes this term are fun so far, a lot of work, but fun.  The Astronomy class is the same one I took in high school, we even use the same book and cover the same chapters.  And Im sad to say, but Mrs. Steimel is a better teacher than this guy.  My Sexual Diversity class is entertaining... in a dirty and clean way.  My Modern East Asian History class is amazing, but its history, so Im biased.  And my Adolescent Psychology is interesting, but hard as well, all new stuff.  
Im hopeful for the future to be better than the past.  Only time will tell. 
Current Location: Dorm room (study room)
Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: Schindler's List Theme
12 December 2007 @ 11:02 am

The past few days have been amazing!  Yeasterday we had school canceled for the second time in 20 years!  It was icy enough that the workmen couldnt keep up with salting the walkways and teachers couldnt get to school.  So instead Joe, Marty, Molly, Greg, Liz, Ana (?), and myself watched Rudolph and Santa Claus is Coming to town in our room, on our 27 inch TV that Mr. Struyk gave me :)  Then we went over to Andreen, the all girls dorm, and Liz cooked supper, it was amazing.  I also went through the application process with Shannon (a girl in my dorm)  for Mackinac Island.  Im pretty excited about possibly working at Mackinac, It would be as a living historian at Fort Mackinac on Mackinac Island.  The few things that might keep me away from Mackinac is that I would be away from home without break from early June to August 23.  I wouldnt be able to see Andrea or my family and friends for that time unless they came up to Mackinac.  I would also miss the 145 anniversary re-enactment of Gettysburg.  But if I did work there it would look real good on a job application and I would be in an amazing place all summer, lots of fudge and no cars!  
Now on to what Joe decided to do last night.  He finally brought his liederhosen outfit.  He dicided to try it on to see if it would fit.  Welllll..... it sort of fit.  It was tighter than he remembered.  The buttons looked like they were going to pop, so I suggested that he wear my belt to take some of the strain off of the Liederhosen.  Well, I have a 32 inch waist.  Joe has a 40 inch probably about now.  I had to help him get the belt on.  He had to suck in alot and then had to sinch the belt.  We finally were able to work it into the first belt hole.  I think Joe knows what a corset feels like now :)  Then he put on his hat and suspenders and had the shoes and shirt.  Then Marty and I followed Joe out into the hallway.  We then went around and knocked on doors and joe skipped down the halways and clicked his heels.  The expressions we saw were priceless.  If people didnt know who Joe was before, and most didnt because he has been gone practicing either for the play, opera or pledging the music fraternity... and homework of course, people definetely know who he is now.  We did this at about 11:15 at night and finally came back to the our room at about 12:15.  We had been on the guys floor and the girls.  One thing I realized almost right away was that everyone almost imediately looked at the bulg...  It was hilarious.  Some kept glancing at it.  It was soo funny to watch them.  The CA's thought he was nuts, he is, but at least everyone knows that now.  People either had to take a double take or more or just walked by like they did not want to see what he was wearing.  It was comical.  I think one of the funniest things was when Bodil, a Swede, saw Joey.  She looked surprised then started laughing hysterically.  Joe only said hi kind of sheepishly and left, that is the only time he did not tell the story or anything other than hi.  I have no idea what the Swede thinks of Joe now, but her reaction was priceless.  And yes she is the stereotypical Swede.  She is tall, thin but not too thin, blonde and has perfect posture.  
On to some updates concerning relationships.  Andrea and I are doing ok, we have had a couple of really rough spots so far, reeeaaalllly rough.  This distance thing is harder than I thought it would be.  Joe and Marty are still single, but looking.  Greg, he lives about 3 doors down, is going on a date with Molly, a girl from andreen who has caused some problems between me and andrea but everything is good now its a long story.  They will be dating because Greg is going to ask her and I know Molly likes him, I told him that actually (sorry Erin, Greg needed the confidence and I knew it to be the truth, I am watching how far I go though).  Well, I dont know why I went through a relationship update, but I did.  
Andrea is coming on Saturday and spending the night.  I cant wait!  I been to ISU for one weekend and now she will be here for a weekend.  I just hope the ice stays on the trees.  It looks sooooo pretty.  We have about a quarter inch of ice on top of about 3 inches of snow.  It litterally looks like a winter wonderland.  The college is also puting on their annual Messiah performance this weekend, I am ushering for 2 shows for sure, but maybe a third if I cant find a sub for sunday.  I wish all you that are back at high school could come out right now, the sky is blue and with the ice on the trees the place just shimmers.  It looks like the campus is made out of glass.  
Anyways, until next time.  Merry Christmas!

Current Location: Dorm room (study room)
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: Christmas... 9.6 hours worth!
19 November 2007 @ 12:08 am

YEEEEEEEEEES!!!!!!  Its finally fall break!  Two weeks of break.  Well, one week of break and then one week working at Dr. Lefabers again.  I love the trimester system of Augustana.  Although at the end of this term I was scrambling, but that was my own fault.  I thought that my final week was going to be sooo easy because I would be turning in a paper on monday and then studying for the theory portion of my final on thursday, not so.  I was stupid and put off pretty much all my papers in college writing.  I eventually e-mailed my final paper which had been due the week before on thursday of last week.  I hated that class and felt no motivation to do any work.  I hope I dont get screwed by screwing up.   It is late and I need to get to bed before two a.m. like I normally do, even later sometimes.  So, more to come later. 

Current Location: My own room!!!
Current Mood: relievedrelieved
Current Music: None, just the sound of the heater
31 October 2007 @ 10:52 pm
I really feel depressed at the moment.  I dont know what started it, all I know is that I have felt like crap all day.  I know it is bad when I start thinking about suicide and find a morbid comfort and attraction to it.  I just want to die.  A lot of things have happened to make me feel like there is no hope or reason to live.  My grandpa's knee is deteriorating to the point he may not be able to move it again.  I saw him this past weekend and he just seemed so tired and week.  He has lost a lot of weight and and has lost his appetite.  His knee had surgery and radiation treatment for a rare type of cancer of the cartilage.  His movement in the knee hasnt been increasing after the operation, it is decreasing.  I also missed two classes today because my alarms didnt go off and so I slept till 12:30, 15 minutes before my last class is over for the day.  I have about 3 papers to write by the end of the week and practice intesively for an upcoming concert and for a lesson.  I feel like everything is going all wrong and there is nothing I can do about it.  I feel like I am a drag on some of my friends here, like they would rather be somewhere else.  I love it here at Augie, but I just am so depressed for some reason.  I just want to die.  I just remembered another thing that I forgot to do today.  I feel like I am aleinating friends some how.  Well, enough of this for now.  I am going to go back to contemplating death and other fun stuff.   
Current Location: Sleeping room of dorm room.
Current Mood: depresseddepressed